Guns, Babies, and a Firefly
by merlintriss
Summary: There is a stowaway on Mal's ship. Oh the problems just have to pile up. Set after Serenity. R
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own serenity or firefly, or the crew, cast, or even the costume designs (though I want those) However, the OC's in this story are mine, and I will fight you for them.

Spoilers I guess if you haven't seen the movie.

So here goes nothing

A noise coming from the kitchen roused Mal from his thoughts. As far as he knew, Jayne was in the kitchen. And Jayne and noises were bad combinations, usually precursors to an explosion, or the product of a long drunken nights.

He climbed out of his quarters and proceeded down the metallic corridor. They had just left the port a day ago, and he had no idea what could get Jayne this antsy this early.

Reaching the kitchen he drew his weapon at what he saw. There was Jayne, sure enough, gun pointed at a woman, who was returning the favor. She was dressed roughly, a white tank, grimy with years of wear not from being dirty, cargo pants, and a regulation brown jacket.

"What are you doing on my gorram ship?" he asked roughly They hadn't picked up any passengers at port.

"I was asking her the same question cap't," Jayne continued to point his gun.

"And that's mighty fine. Now, you have two guns pointed at you. Now I would think that now would be a fine time to be talking to me, miss, " he shrugged, gun still pointed at her.

"I'm a stowaway," she smiled, and before either could blink she had two guns in her hand, one pointed at Mal, the other at Jayne, "and I'm the best marksman in the galaxy."

"That's a pretty big boast, miss."

"That's no boast cap't. I could drop both of you before you touched the trigger," suddenly, her guns were being held by her thumbs, and she was putting them on the floor, "However, I doubt the rest of your crew would appreciate that, and what good is a ship without a crew."

"Don't think that we're not partial to guests, miss, we have a bad history with stowaways. The last one was my wife."

"That bad?" she smirked, "And no, I have no interest in you."

"It's both a relief and a mighty sorrow to here you say that. Jayne, "the bigger man nodded in assent, "get her to a secure room." As Jayne led her out of the room, Mal studied her guns, lying on the floor. They were older, but well crafted. They were also well worn from years of use.

"Hey cap't," Kaylee entered the room, "Serenity's all nice and shiny, so we should hold together till at least the next port. What's wrong cap't?" she said, looking at the two guns.

"Haul out the champagne and prepare a feast, Kaylee, we have a guest," Mal picked up the guns and started back to his quarters.

"Alright cap't."

"Kaylee, I'm joking."

"About the champagne, or the guest?"

"The champagne."

"Hey, cap't."

"What Kaylee?"

"cap't, I'm pregnant," He walked back, guns in hand.

"You're what? How?"

"C'mon, cap't, do you have to have me explain the birds and the bees to you?"

"No, that's not what I meant. Now, Kaylee, what are you doing getting pregnant?"

"Cap't, it's not like I planned to get all pregnant."

"And now I've got to protect you and an unborn. Oh, isn't that great. On top of that, the fathers, the fathers…"

"Simon."

"Exactly. He's on the run. He's a fugitive from the Alliance."

"But he's Simon too. And now he's the father of my child," Kaylee smiled, "'sides cap't, we're not exactly on the right side of the law."

"Depends on what you term right," she frowned at him, "Fine. But c'mon Kaylee. You're like a daughter to me. A daughter I've exchanged dirty jokes with and seen naked. Okay, maybe not exactly a father-daughter relationship. Maybe more of an open relationship. Yeah, open."

"It's okay, cap't, I understand," Kaylee went back to her quarters or at least in that general direction.

Meanwhile Mal had bigger problems. Like an expert marksman who had stowed away on his ship, and how he had to get a permanent replacement for his pilot. Granted, River was good, when she was sane, but she was unpredictable. Not for the first time did he wish Wash hadn't died.


	2. Chapter 2

Second Chapter

My apologies for taking so long.

iamari: sorry about that. I thought the spoilers were enough of a hint.

Quirk Del: Sorry I took so long. Guess it was a little hiatus from fanfiction.

So Let us Begin

Mal stretched. It was an awfully comfy bed, and one couldn't complain about comfy beds. The one he was in right now had taken a few years to break in, and now, after years of tear and abuse, it was finally comfy. Now, if only things on his ship could be so comfy.

Getting dressed, he mused. Kaylee pregnant, Wash dead, and a stowaway on board. And that was on top of the old problems of the two fugitives on board, and Jayne's unpredictability. The only people on board that he wasn't truly worried about were Inara and Zoe, and they weren't exactly easy to deal with. Oh the fun in that whole equation. The only thing that could go wrong right now, was the… no reason to jinx good things.

And all at once his private musings were disrupted.

"Um, Cap't, the fine lady down the hall wishes to speak with you," Jayne said, poking his head down into Mal's room.

"I'll be there Jayne," looks up expectantly, "You haven't had sex with the fine lady yet, have you?"

"Naw Cap't. Not my style. Too much spitfire in that one," He grinned, "I don't like it much when they put too much fight in their foreplay."

"Too much information Jayne. Just go back upstairs for a second and let a man get ready."

"Okay Cap't," Jayne's head disappeared back into the rest of the ship, leaving Mal to himself.

And all the problems at hand didn't even compare to Zoe. If Wash had stayed alive, he would've solved too major problems, no pilot, a very depressed Zoe. He had dealt with his first mate all through the war, as they helped each other through losing comrades and battles, but how could he help her through losing her husband? That wasn't something you dealt with like the soldier Mal still was. Maybe Inara could help, if she wasn't shuffling herself back into their own banter like positions. Being a Cap't wasn't always easy.

Finally dressed and sufficiently prepared, or so he thought, to face the world, Mal found himself in front of a very irate marksman.

"So," she began.

"That's one way to start it. The other way is with your name," he interrupted, "We don't do too well with strangers in these parts."

"My name is Selene." 

"Well Selene, what are you doing on my gorram ship?"

"Cap't, she said," Jayne started.

"Jayne, I didn't ask you, now let the lady finish her sentence."

"She didn't start," Jayne countered.

"Again, Jayne, not necessary," Mal was getting irate.

"Okay, Cap't."

"So, Selene, if you would."

"I'm here because I need a job."

"And the usual venues were shut down?"

"For a gal like me."

"And here I was thinking you were an expert marksman. Best sharpshooter in the galaxy, I recall you saying."

"I am. Haven't made too many friends on that road," Selene smiled.

"What did you do, kill the competition?" Jayne smirked.

"Something like that," The look in her eyes told them she wasn't joking, "I've got the Alliance on my trail, and I needed somewhere to bunk till all this blows over."

"And you expect us to just roll over all easy like?" the Cap't was getting the impression he wasn't going to like the answer.

"I know that you are currently hauling two Alliance fugitives," she smiled, "Just wondering if your hold will fit another?"

"And how would a gal like you come into such knowledge?"

She scoffed, "Oh please, like its such a big secret. How many run ins have you had? And how about the one with the bounty hunter? Did you just think he came across such privilegded information? The Operative tracked you down, so did I," she smiled.

"You ma'am, are more than you seem," Mal was now very suspicious.

"Aren't we all, Malcolm Reynolds?" Her smile didn't waver, "Now how about a position?"

"Currently our personal relations position is filled by a very knowledgeable Jayne," Mal pointed at the very muscular enforcer, "And I don't know that I need another rough to join the crew."

"I'm not just any rough."

"Yeah, so you've said, but I have yet to receive proof of such remarkable marksmanship, and since I am disinclined to present you with a gun, I'm just going to have to take your word," he looked at her suspiciously, "And you don't get to be a Cap't by taking other peoples words."

"Its called trust."

"And that's something that's in short supply recently."

"Fine, how about you ask River what she thinks of me. She's pretty good at knowing people, isn't she?" Mal hid his shock well that she knew of River and her gifts.

"You know what, that's a good idea. Jayne, how about you retrieve the honorable River here, and ask her if she will perform that service."

"In those words Mal?" Jayne asked.

"In any words, Jayne, just get her down here," Mal was beginning to suspect it was going to be a long day.

Jayne came back a few moments later, with River in tow.

"You want to know whether the lady with guns is good or not?" River said plainly.

"Yeah, something like that."

"No ones good, Cap't, some of us are just better at concealing it."

"Yeah, I know, but can we trust her?"

"She's not going to kill you, if that's what you mean. She's not a good person, and she's done a lot of bad things, but so have all of us."

"Don't we know it."

"You want to know whether or not to trust her?"

"Yeah, River."

"I trust her."

"Then, River, I guess I'll go with that." All the sudden River leaned in close to Mal's ear and whispered softly.

"But she's hiding something." Mal tried to shake that off as she left. Weren't they all hiding something?

"Welcome, Selene, to the crew of Serenity," Mal shook his head, "May god help us if River is wrong."


	3. Chapter 3

The Continuation Continues….

Chapter 3!

Yeah, a little too excited…

Okay, so.

kittenchloe-I don't find your comments in any way insulting. In fact, I like it when people are so properly critical. I too love the firefly universe, hence the reason I have chosen to write a fanfiction about it. Okay, I will admit, the Selene character is an extreme braggart. I don't mean to paint her in any way a good light. She is merely using the Simon/River situation to her own advantage. However, she is not murderous. At least I don't' think so. I might have made it seem that way, in that case, my apologies. And Mal is affected by Wash more than by his death leaving him at an inconvenience. He's merely focusing right now on the issues as a captain before he focuses on more personal issues, like the loss of a friend.

Leslie-Thank you very much for reading, and I hope you continue.

And let the story continue…..

In the past week, Mal had become increasingly agitated with the new arrival. Selene was bossy, commandeering, and above all, talkative. In fact, she wouldn't stop talking. And all she talked about was her exploits, and her marksmanship. Zoe didn't like her, but Zoe hadn't really liked any of the crew when they had signed on, let alone an incredibly talkative alpha female like Selene. Not to mention the way she had gotten on board. Maybe River had been wrong just this once?

"I swear, Cap't, if she tells me one more time about how she shot that mans knife, I'm going to kill her," needless to say, even Jayne was bothered.

"Now, now Jayne. We need something with a bit more finesse, something out of your league. Something like poison," Mal joked.

"I'll get Simon in on it. She won't stop telling him how to organize his stuff," Jayne started, but was stilled by Mal's hand.

"I was kidding Jayne. Just get Inara to talk to her in one of her companion ways about being a little more quiet," Mal started, and was immediately dismayed by the response.

"You mean, like they'll sleep with each other?" Jayne got one of those looks in his eye, "You think maybe they'll let me watch?"

"Jayne, if you say one more thing that is utterly crude…" Jayne had already walked in the direction of Inara's quarters. True, Selene was getting on his nerves, but she had also done everything assigned to her, and was slightly different from the devious Sapphron, and was not as willing to become his wife to get what she wanted. And speaking of Simon.

Mal walked into the doctors quarters and pulled out his gun pointing it at Simon.

"Not my typical hello, but it will do," Simon raised his hand in surrender.

"What were you thinking getting Kaylee all knocked up?" Mal asked, gun still pointed.

"Any specific reason why you're pointing a gun at me?" Simon asked.

"Yeah, cause you just got my engineer all pregnant, and you're a fugitive," Mal continued.

"Whereas you're all clean and perfect," Simon said, at which point Mal cocked the gun.

"My station aboard this vessel is permanent, and besides, I didn't knock up a girl," Mal was furious, "And I, unlike you, am not running away from the law. I'm avoiding little bits of it."

"Okay, okay," he paused, "Would it help if I said I loved her?"

"Not really, but it's a start," the gun didn't move.

"Don't you feel you're being a little over protective of her, Cap't?" Simon's hands stayed in the defensive position.

"Yeah, cause she's Kaylee."

"And I'm not a little girl Cap't. Any reason why you're pointing a gun at the head of my babies father?" Kaylee leaned up against the door angrily.

"I'm just stressing to him the importance of fatherhood."

"Awful nice and shiny of you, Cap't, but I need to have a talk with Simon, if you don't mind, all private woman stuff. Go talk to Inara, why don't you? I hear she gets lonely in that shuttle of hers," Kaylee smiled the classic Kaylee smile.

"If Inara wants to come out, she's perfectly capable of using her own two feet," the Cap't huffed off.

"Did you have to tell him?" Simon said once Mal was safely out of hearing distance.

"Yeah, he's the Cap't, you have to tell him things like that," Kaylee said, sitting on the hospital bed.

"Whatever you say," Simon said, as Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck.

And River poked her head around the corner.

"There's something you should see."

Read and Review folks. Read and Review.


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